As I contemplate the past few years and even weeks there are still patterns I want to release that have been with me for this lifetime and maybe longer.
I can identify them and then release them again and again. The more that I can identify and bring these patterns into the light, the more I can release. If I can't see them I will never release them, so I keep digging and noticing.
Why do I feel that I need a relationship to complete me and help me feel safe in the world? The little girl part of myself is still in search of affection, love, acceptance and safety.
How do I quit letting my little girl run my all relationships mostly with men, but with others too? I know that I am a very capable person. That I can provide for my own needs. I keep telling the little girl this time and time again we are safe now but I still play this story out.
Trying to find balance a relationship has always been a struggle for me. Holding back sometimes, but more often than not going all in; without any thought to how this may turn out. Losing my power to others and letting the little girl take over feeling lost and abandoned. I'm OK at first and then old insecurities come back to haunt me. Buying into the fact that I need/want this relationship, even seeing the truth of who someone is but discounting it and replacing it with who I want them to be.
Maybe denial but; also my dream state of seeing the potential of this person. Seeing them at a soul level so to speak. Just because I have the ability to see this, it doesn't mean they can live up to this so called soul state. Because of the damage that they may have experienced in this lifetime. They have the choice to do the work around this or not. I have no control over anything outside of myself.
This is the piece that I have to let go of-
Pay attention to who people are in their own life. Knowing that the potential I see, may not be who they choice to be in this lifetime.
"I have to redirect this focus back to myself, feeling that the key is to realign my own soul state or true self. This true soul state is the innocence of my soul. (Who was i before I was born). Bringing back all parts of myself, so I can heal the damage of my past that was done by my family of origin. Not in judgment of who they were because this has helped me to grow as a person.
Letting go over and over and over until I release these stories that are not important anymore. Because who I was then is not who I am now. Not to let my past define who I have stepped into at this point of my life. I have a bigger purpose now. This is what I need to acknowledge. Trusting that I have my own messages and answers. Knowing that I am in a collective of consciousness that is here for a higher good of everyone.
"As I am right with myself I am right in all my relationships".